


plum blossom

by GallifreyanFairytale



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Hanahaki Disease, Hiding Medical Issues, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lesbian Mai (Avatar), Lies, M/M, Minor Aang/Katara, Minor Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Minor Sokka/Suki, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Slow Burn, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, but everyone loves him anyways, but no one actually dies, i cannot stop writing zuko angst i am so sorry, talking about death, zuko and mai are gay lesbian solidarity okay, zuko is bad at being loved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26332930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallifreyanFairytale/pseuds/GallifreyanFairytale
Summary: It starts at the Boiling Rock.Sokka sees Suki and his eyes go wide, then soft, and Zuko feels everything inside his chest seize. His heart stutters, and he’s afraid it might stop. He coughs and it tastes like grass.or, a hanahaki zukka au that went a little further than i anticipated
Relationships: Mai & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Zuko (Avatar) & Everyone
Comments: 130
Kudos: 1396
Collections: A:tla





	plum blossom

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: this fic is now available as a [podfic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26721397) thanks to [Rionaa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rionaa/pseuds/Rionaa)!!
> 
> listen. i just had a passing thought that a hanahaki zukka au would be an interesting idea and now i'm here. i didn't ask for this. i don't even know how it went this far. i genuinely wasn't expecting this to get longer than 5k words. also i did not plan any of this out beforehand, so if it seems messy, that's because it is. when i started writing, my only thoughts were "hanahaki zukka. zuko pining over sokka while he's dating suki. it starts at the boiling rock when sokka sees suki there." and it evolved into. so much more.
> 
> general warnings for hanahaki fics apply (vomiting, blood, talk/contemplation of death, etc.) 
> 
> the fic title & the section titles are taken from mxmtoon's ep "plum blossom"

**I**

**_i didn't wanna fall (but then i stepped right in)_ **

It starts at the Boiling Rock.

Sokka sees Suki and his eyes go wide, then soft, and Zuko feels everything inside his chest seize. His heart stutters, and he’s afraid it might stop. He coughs and it tastes like grass.

Sokka tears his eyes away from Suki long enough to look over at Zuko. “You okay, buddy?”

“Yeah,” Zuko lies. He can’t meet Sokka’s eyes, so he stares down at Suki instead. She _is_ pretty, and Zuko knows she’s one of the Kyoshi Warriors. She’s everything Sokka deserves, really. Zuko coughs again, but he does his best to turn it into some sort of strained laughter. “Just never seen such intense heart eyes.” He spares a glance over at Sokka, who shoots him a lovestruck sort of smile. He’s thinking about Suki, though, Zuko can see it in his eyes.

Zuko pushes another cough back down into his chest.

“She’s really something, isn’t she?”

Zuko nods, not trusting himself to speak.

Later than night, he’ll cough up a single rose petal and stare at it for much too long before burning it and releasing the ash into the boiling water far below.

Zuko knows what the petals mean. He’s heard the tales - the horror stories - of people’s chests filling with petals and rosebuds and thorns until they can’t breathe. He’s heard the ones with happy endings, too; the ones where the love isn’t unrequited and the flowers don’t suffocate from the inside out. He’s heard of people extracting the roots, though the survival rate for _that_ isn’t very high. He’s even heard of people outsmarting the flowers; overcoming the feelings that spur them on and finding love elsewhere. But mostly, he’s heard the stories of ragged last breaths as blood and petals fall from your lips, one in the same.

He hopes the horror stories are Fire Nation propaganda to convince people love is weakness. He hopes they’re overexaggerated, or that he can be one of the lucky few. Or he at least hopes no one finds out _why_.

\--

Sokka doesn’t notice the coughing, or he at least doesn’t mention it.

Zuko hides it well for the most part, but he can’t stifle every cough that tries to attack him while in Sokka’s vicinity. 

When their escape is interrupted by a gondola of war prisoners, Zuko knows Sokka won’t leave. The only question is if he and Suki stay behind as well. 

Zuko could run. That would be easy. He could get out of the prison and figure out a way back to the Western Air Temple, and do everything in his power to get his mind off of Sokka. Or, better yet, he could run as far from the Western Air Temple as possible. He already taught Aang firebending; his duty is done. (Sure, Aang needs practice, and a lot of it, but he doesn’t have long before he’ll need to face Zuko’s father again anyways. How much good could Zuko possibly do in that small window of time?)

Zuko _could_ run. But at the same time, he can’t. If he runs away and Sokka gets hurt, he’ll never forgive himself. 

One look at Suki tells Zuko she’s staying for as long as Sokka is, and Zuko knows this is hazardous to his health, but he needs to face this. He has to stay.

\--

The last person Zuko expected to see while breaking prisoners out of the Boiling Rock was Mai. Of course, luck has never once been on Zuko’s side, so the person he least wants to see in the world is the one standing right across from him.

Mai dismisses the guards, but Zuko knows they’re all standing right outside, waiting for any sounds of a fight. Zuko knows he’s outnumbered, and he doesn’t want to fight Mai. He thinks Mai might want to fight him, though. And he deserves it.

“You couldn’t even tell me to my face?” She’s not loud - Mai has never been loud when she’s upset. Her angry voice is cold and sharp, but never loud. She begins to circle Zuko slowly, examining him from every angle, and Zuko just stands there and lets it happen.

“I’m sorry.” Zuko doesn’t know what else to say. How could he have told Mai he was leaving in person? _He_ barely knew he was leaving until it was too late to find her, and telling _anyone_ was a risk. Zuko trusted Mai, but she was friends with Azula long before she’d befriended him.

Mai is face to face with him again, looking him dead in the eye. “If Azula knew you were here--”

“She’d have me killed,” Zuko finishes. “I know.”

Mai sighs, and her mask drops. “I--” She bites her lip and looks at the ground. _Mai_. Looking at the _ground_. “I thought we were going to make it, you know? I thought we had a deal.”

_A deal_. An act, a play, a lie, a joke, a scheme, a deal. Whatever.

Yeah, they did have one of those. But if Zuko’s father falls, Mai gets to be free. Mai gets to find love in another girl, and Zuko…

Well, Zuko will just have to deal.

“I want you to be able to find love.”

“I did.”

“No,” Zuko tells her. “You didn’t. You and I both know that.”

“And where does that put you?”

Zuko coughs before he can stop himself. He doesn’t have a good answer for Mai, but the flowers blooming in his chest seem to think they could tell her what she wants to hear. 

“That’s what I thought.” Mai turns her back to him. “You act like you’re doing this to protect me, but Zuko… who is going to protect _you_?”

“I don’t need protecting.” _I don’t deserve it_. “I don’t have time for this, Mai. I need to--” _Oh no._

All Zuko can think is _Oh no_ as a coughing fit pushes him to the ground. Mai can’t know, he can’t let Mai know. He can pretend losing Mai to the future he wishes he could have doesn't sting all he wants, but if Mai knows about the flowers, she’ll know the truth.

She knows the same stories Zuko does.

“What’s wrong?” Mai is kneeling across from him (when did she get there?) and her hands are on Zuko’s shoulders. “Are you sick?”

Zuko shakes his head weakly, using every ounce of his strength not to cough again. He clearly doesn’t have enough strength left, though, because he only holds the coughs off for a few seconds before they overtake his body again.

And this time, they bring more rose petals.

As soon as the rose petals hit the floor of the cell, the world goes silent.

“Oh, Zuko…” There it is. The pity that doesn’t help. The worry that he doesn’t deserve.

“Don’t,” he growls, pushing himself to his feet. “I need to leave.”

Mai’s pained expression has Zuko’s heart aching, telling him to apologize again, to ask her to come with, to do _anything_ besides walk through the door after Mai steps aside.

“Go.”

He does.

\--

There’s a moment Zuko is afraid he won’t make it to Sokka in time.

Sokka is sliding off the gondola, and Zuko is rushing towards him, but everything is moving slowly and Zuko’s chest feels tighter than it should and he’s so, _so_ , afraid he won’t reach the other boy in time.

He makes it. Barely. 

Sokka’s hand clasps Zuko’s and the tightness in his chest eases just a bit. Enough that Zuko can hoist him back up onto the gondola roof in time for them to realize what, exactly, is happening.

Sokka is still clinging to Zuko’s hand when Zuko sees Mai. And of course he does, of course she would make the dumbest possible decision and turn her back on Azula while at a prison in the middle of a volcano. But Zuko is too far away to talk any sense into her, and she wouldn’t listen anyways.

“What’s happening?” Sokka asks.

Zuko helps him to his feet. “Mai.” He peers down at the scene unfolding below them. The guards will all listen to Azula’s command, and Azula (heartless, cruel, Azula) will not spare Mai just because they’re friends.

He strains to hear what is happening. He knows Mai will be locked up in prison at best, and he desperately hopes her betrayal and the consequences aren’t hanging on his head. Maybe it’s a selfish desire, but he doesn’t want Mai’s blood on his hands. He’s only ever wanted to protect her.

“What I don’t understand is _why_ ,” Zuko hears Azula say. “Why would you do it? You know the consequences.”

“I guess you just don’t know people as well as you think you do,” comes Mai’s response. “You miscalculated. I love Zuko more than I fear you.”

“Oh,” Sokka whispers somewhere on Zuko’s right. Zuko doesn’t have it in him to explain that it’s not the kind of love he assumes it is.

Zuko doesn’t catch anymore words exchanged - they’re too far away, and Zuko’s left ear hasn’t worked right since he was thirteen - but he sees Ty Lee spring into action and he sees Azula fall to the ground.

While Azula may be temporarily incapacitated, there are still too many guards for Mai and Ty Lee to possibly take them all, talented as they are.

The only thing Zuko can do is watch the guards lead Mai and Ty Lee away, the two girls still holding their heads high.

“I’m sorry,” Sokka says, and it’s only then that Zuko realized their fingers are still entwined. Sokka squeezes his hand, and he doesn’t make any effort to let go. “I’ve seen those two in action. They’ll be okay.”

Zuko knows he’s right, but Azula has been outsmarted by her brother and betrayed by her friends, and Zuko can’t imagine a time she’d be more bloodthirsty than this. He only hopes she’s after his blood instead of Mai and Ty Lee’s.

Sokka wraps an arm around Zuko, and all Zuko can do is struggle not to cough.

\--

Zuko spends the ride back to the Western Air Temple alone. It’s not that Sokka didn’t try to include him in their conversations; Zuko just doesn’t want to talk to anyone right now. Sokka is making deadly flowers fill his lungs (not that it’s purposeful) and Zuko is still wondering why Mai would betray the Fire Nation for him.

Did he miscalculate too?

Their relationship was never supposed to be real; it was supposed to be _good enough_. It was an agreement because neither one of them could love the people they wanted to. Their relationship was a decoy to hide their impurity from the eyes of the Fire Nation. People would talk if they never got married, people would speculate, it’s what people do. But the speculation of enough citizens would make its way into the ears of the Fire Lord, and Zuko’s return to the Fire Nation was on thin ice as it was.

If his father had found out he’s gay, he’d be banished all over again. If he weren’t just killed instead.

Mai and Zuko’s relationship was a friendship, and it was an agreement to suffer together. Surely Azula was aware of that. Zuko knew she wasn’t all that she claimed to be either. He’d heard that Ty Lee was her first kiss and that she hadn’t had another until their trip to Ember Island. Azula might be perfect in their father’s eyes, but that was only because he didn’t know.

Zuko could see right through her. And Azula could see right through him.

She _knew_ their relationship was nothing more than friendship with forced kissing and pet names. 

Maybe friendship was stronger than either one of them realized.

It wasn’t like Zuko had many friends growing up. How could he know what friendship is supposed to mean for those involved? How could Azula know?

Mai loved him enough to betray the Fire Nation while visiting her uncle’s prison - the highest security prison in the world - and she didn’t even like boys.

Would Zuko have done the same in her place?

He’s afraid the answer is no.

Another coughing fit interrupts his thoughts and he looks up in time to see Sokka sit down across from him. “How are you holding up?”

Zuko could tell Sokka how he’s feeling, but he opts instead to say, “My first girlfriend betrayed the Fire Nation and got herself taken captive because of me.”

Sokka doesn’t miss a beat before replying with, “That’s rough, buddy.”

Zuko cracks a smile.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve already broken free,” Sokka says, and Zuko can tell he means it. “Those girls terrify me. The guards should be _petrified_.”

“You’re right.”

“Come on.” Sokka stands and offers a hand to Zuko. He feels rose petals begging to claw their way up his throat, but he pushes them down. They can wait.

He takes Sokka’s hand and they join the others.

**II**

**_my glasses are tinted rose pink_ **

Zuko catches Sokka talking to the moon.

He doesn’t mean to; he’s looking for a place away from the group to cough up all of the flowers he can feel in his chest. He doesn’t expect anyone else to be wandering away from camp in the middle of the night.

He freezes as soon as he hears a voice, and it takes a moment for him to work out who it is.

“I know you’d want me to move on, but I still feel like I’m… I don’t know… betraying you.” He groans. “It’s stupid, I know. I just want you to like her. Suki, I mean.”

That’s when it hits Zuko. Sokka is talking to his ex-girlfriend, and Zuko needs to leave. He turns the other direction and keeps walking until he’s sure Sokka is out of earshot, and he keels over.

Zuko has no idea how long he retches, trying his best to force every last petal he can out of his body, but he’s sure he’s been on the ground for an hour at least.

When his body finally stills, his chest feels clearer than it has since he left the Fire Nation. He knows the flowers aren’t gone for good, but they’ve cleared out enough that he can breathe easily again. He hadn’t realized how ragged his breathing had gotten. Hopefully no one else noticed.

Zuko burns the flowers and petals until they’re nothing but ash, and then he makes his way back to the camp.

\--

To distract himself from Sokka, Zuko takes to trying to win Katara’s trust.

He’s almost positive his mission is futile, which is what makes it so perfect. He can obsess over another impossible mission, thus rendering himself unable to dwell on Sokka. 

Too bad Sokka is the only one who can give him the answers he needs about he and Katara’s mother.

He pretends not to notice Sokka’s tent is clearly set up for date night with Suki. He pretends not to notice how hard it is to breathe. 

Zuko takes Katara on a journey for revenge that just ends up turning into Katara being unable to actually hurt anyone, but Zuko isn’t exactly surprised by that. Katara might be the kind to hold a grudge, but she isn’t the kind to hurt an old man pleading for his life. 

What _does_ surprise him is that she forgives _Zuko_. It’s what Aang wanted her to do, sure, but Zuko hadn’t expected her to _actually_ do it. 

His impossible mission drawn up to get his mind off Sokka has been resolved in a matter of two days. He’s going to need to find some other distraction if he wants to make it to the final battle still able to fight.

\--

Zuko has no doubt Ember Island is the best place to hide, but being back so soon makes his stomach turn. Last time he was here, he was told Ember Island “reveals the true you” and he’s not exactly fond of the others finding out about his _affliction_. But no one will look for them in the Fire Lord’s own beach house. Ember Island is the perfect hideaway while they train and plan an attack.

Zuko works on firebending with Aang and spars with Sokka, and as long as he doesn’t dwell on his thoughts too much, his condition seems to be looking up. There’s a war going on out there, and Zuko is well aware that he needs to focus more on training and less on unrequited love.

It helps that he can’t stop worrying about Mai. 

Her words won’t leave him alone, and he can’t stop thinking about what a horrible friend he was. He wants nothing more than to go back to the Boiling Rock, but he doubts Mai and Ty Lee are still there. Either they escaped, or they were taken elsewhere so Zuko wouldn’t be able to find them. The Fire Nation isn’t stupid. Azula isn’t stupid.

If Zuko goes back to the Boiling Rock, they’ll kill him without hesitation. He might have been born a prince, but that was a long time ago and his blood will do nothing to protect him now.

\--

Of course Sokka and Suki would find a poster advertising an Ember Island Players production. And of course it’s a play about the Avatar and his travels. Zuko wants to tell everyone that there’s no way this play will be anywhere close to accurate (and even if the script is fine, the actors won’t be), but they all look like they need a night to relax, so he mumbles insults about their _Love Amongst the Dragons_ productions to himself.

Sokka and Suki are the first to claim seats, and Sokka immediately wraps an arm around Suki.

Zuko goes to sit next to Katara, but Aang intercepts him and says he wanted to sit there. Zuko looks from Aang down to Katara, and he lets Aang sit between him and Katara. Zuko might be dying from a sour love story, but that doesn’t mean he should push his suffering onto Aang.

The play is - for lack of a better word - terrible. Sokka is reduced to bad jokes exclusively about meat and Katara is reduced to hope speeches like some kind of Snow White caricature. But it’s what the Fire Nation wants to see them as - comic relief and false hope. The whole play reeks of Fire Nation propaganda.

Zuko excuses himself to go to the bathroom after Act I draws to a close and tries to figure out if he could just head back to the beach house without the others noticing. He kind of doubts it. He doesn’t have much time to consider it though, because he starts coughing and more flower petals make their way up his throat. 

They aren’t roses this time; they’re fire lilies. Zuko doesn’t know what it means that the flowers inside of him are changing (or adding?) species, but it can’t be anything good.

“Zu-- I mean!” Sokka’s voice sounds from outside the door. “Lee! Are you still in here? Act II is about to start.” Zuko clenches the petals in his hand.

“Yeah,” Zuko calls out, but his voice is raspy.

Sokka must notice the strain in Zuko’s voice because he says, “Hey, I know you’re apparently a huge theatre nerd, but the actors aren’t _that_ bad.” It’s Sokka’s way of saying he knows there are a thousand other reasons Zuko hates the play that have nothing to do with how bad the Ember Island Players are at acting.

Zuko burns the petals and dumps the ash in the garbage before opening the door to find himself face to face with Sokka. _Why did Sokka have to stand so close to the door?_

Zuko turns and coughs into his arm.

“You look terrible.”

“Thanks. I know I can always count on you to help me feel better.”

“That’s-- that’s not what I meant.” Sokka grabs Zuko’s hand and pulls him around the corner. “Are you really just _that_ into theatre, or--?”

“I don’t want to have to relive all my past mistakes in one evening,” Zuko interrupts. But he can’t leave that weighing on Sokka, so he adds, “Also, I can _not_ stand acting this bad.”

Sokka pats Zuko’s shoulder. “I don’t blame you there, buddy.” Zuko doesn’t know which part of his statement Sokka is referring to, and he doesn’t ask. “You--” Sokka doesn’t get a chance to finish because Toph comes barreling around the corner and grabs Sokka’s arm. 

“ _Come on!_ We have thirty seconds until Act II and I am _not_ missing my grand entrance!”

Sokka rolls his eyes and shoots an apologetic look towards Zuko. For some reason, Zuko follows him and Toph back to their seats. They sit down just in time for the lights to lower.

“Where’d you go?” Zuko hears Suki whisper to Sokka.

“Just wandering around. You know me,” Sokka jokes.

All other conversation is cut off by the curtains opening for Act II.

\--

Zuko left halfway through the second act to cough up more fire lilies in the bathroom, but according to Toph, they shoved a romantic subplot in between him and Katara when they were imprisoned under Ba Sing Se together. Apparently Aang left after that and no one has seen him since.

Zuko mumbles a few choice words under his breath. Katara would wash his mouth out with soap if she caught him cursing in front of Toph, but Toph has a far dirtier mouth than Zuko, so he’s not too concerned. “Aang knows that didn’t happen, right? I could never--” Zuko’s stomach twists. “I could never see Katara like that.”

Toph shrugs and makes and _I don’t know_ sound.

Zuko knows this theatre pretty well, but he has to navigate it like someone who’s never been here to find Aang. All of the hiding spots Zuko would run to aren’t the kind of places you find after watching half a play.

He does find Aang, though, sitting on a balcony and staring at the sky.

“Go away,” he grumbles.

“Toph told me about the Crystal Catacombs scene. I just wanted to let you know that it wasn’t accurate. At all.” He sits down next to Aang, and when Aang stays silent, he keeps talking. “Katara could never be anything other than a friend to me, and she’s barely even that. ...And for what it’s worth, I think she likes you back.”

Aang perks up at that. “You do?”

Zuko nods. “You two just...fit together. I don’t believe in soulmates, but I wouldn’t put that past you two.”

Aang’s arms are around Zuko’s torso, and it catches Zuko so off guard that he doesn’t have time to brace himself against a coughing fit that shoots several fire lily petals up his throat and out of his mouth.

Aang backs away. “Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“What’s in your hand?”

“Nothing.”

Aang holds his hand out and gives Zuko a _not amused_ motherly glare he must have picked up from Katara. Zuko sighs and drops the petals in Aang’s open hand.

“What? Where are these from?”

“Home.”

“Fire lilies don’t bloom this time of year.”

_Why_ did Aang have to be such a well-traveled kid? “They’re not fire lilies.” And why was Zuko such a terrible liar when it actually mattered?

“You…” Aang’s voice trails off as he stares at the petals. Understanding dawns on him and Zuko winces away. “Oh.” His voice is quiet. “Zuko…”

Zuko wants to swipe the petals away from Aang, light them on fire, and storm away. Who is Aang to feel sorry for him? And why does everyone think Zuko wants their pity? Pity is worthless and empty.

“Who…?” Aang looks unsure how to finish his question, but he doesn’t need to. Zuko knows what he means.

Zuko looks at the ground. There’s no way he’s going to answer Aang’s question with the truth, but who else can he say? Suki? That wouldn’t be much better than just fessing up to the fact that he has a crush on Sokka that is _literally_ killing him as they speak.

“Is it the girl from the Boiling Rock? The one you said saved you guys?”

_Oh._ Mai. 

Zuko doesn’t want to use Mai as a shield when it isn’t mutual, but what choice does he have? It’s not like he’s going to live long enough to deal with the consequences of his lie anyways. Even if he makes it out of the war alive, the flowers will get to him soon enough. He’s a ticking time bomb at this point.

“Yeah.” The lie leaves a bitter taste in Zuko’s mouth. “It’s Mai.”

“Well maybe it isn’t unrequited!” Oh, Aang. Always one to assume the best. “All we need to do is defeat Fire Lord Ozai, end the war, and then reunite you two! You said she risked her life to save yours, right? Which _means_ she’s on our side, which means you and her can live happily ever after as soon as we win!” Aang sounds pretty certain in his vague master plan considering they barely have a plan on how to defeat Zuko’s father. Zuko is afraid Aang won’t be able to bring himself to kill him, and doesn’t the Avatar need to be the one to defeat the Fire Lord?

How does he plan on ending the war when he can’t do the one thing that will assure a swift end?

Aang passes the petals back to Zuko, who releases them over the edge of the balcony and watches them float away through the night air. He wonders if Yue is watching them.

Zuko senses footsteps behind him more than he hears them and turns to see Katara. He excuses himself - he’s said what he needed to - and leaves them alone. He really hopes he’s right about Katara reciprocating Aang’s feelings for her. 

\--

Zuko’s time on Ember Island is mostly spent training Aang and coughing up petals. At some point, a new type of flower joins his collection, but he has more important matters to worry about than classifying it, so he simply drops the petals out of the window and watches the wind carry them out to sea.

He’s watching the sunset and wishing he could go look for Mai when Sokka sits down next to him and whispers, “You okay?”

Zuko shrugs.

“Me neither.”

They sit in silence for a while, and it’s nice. It’s comfortable. But it can’t last, and Zuko knows this. Sokka has Suki and Zuko is supposed to have Mai and there’s a war going on, so the last thing they should be doing is relaxing long enough to watch the sunset.

Sokka’s hand on his shoulder and a quiet, “Hey,” shakes Zuko from his thoughts. He coughs once before turning to look at Sokka. “We’re going to be okay.”

“Yeah,” Zuko says, but he’s not sure he can agree. The others don’t know Ozai like he does. They don’t know what they’re up against, and Zuko isn’t sure Aang will have the guts to do what it takes to end the war once and for all. 

**III**

**_i could never tell you that i’m breaking slowly_ **

The first thing Zuko does when he wakes up is demand to know where Mai and Ty Lee are being held. Unfortunately, the doctors have no idea. They wouldn’t.

“Can you find out?” Zuko pleads. “And tell whoever’s in charge of the prison that I’m ordering their immediate release.” One of the doctors nods and hurries out of the room.

Only after he’s gone does Zuko relax and realize that he’s not the only one in the infirmary. Sokka is sitting with his leg propped up on a bed not far from where Zuko lays. He smiles cheekily. “You must really like her, huh? Your first act as Fire Lord was to free your girlfriend from prison?”

Zuko glares back. “She isn’t my girlfriend.” (Though the whole _breakup_ situation was a little vague. Zuko hadn’t exactly broken up with her; just fled the kingdom to join the Avatar. Now that the war is over, though, there’s no reason for them to be together.) “She’s the best friend I had in the Fire Nation, though. What happened to your leg?”

“Oh, it just broke a little,” Sokka responds like it’s no big deal. “I’m just happy you woke up. Everyone was worried you wouldn’t, and…” Sokka looks at the ground. “We need you.”

“To be Fire Lord?”

“To be _you_.”

Oh.

A coughing fit saves Zuko from having to respond. Sokka jumps up and pours a glass of water before grabbing his crutch and hobbling over to Zuko. Zuko accepts the cup and drinks slowly, fighting back the flowers that are crawling up his throat.

“Aang didn’t kill Ozai, by the way,” Sokka says casually. Zuko almost chokes on his water. “He took his bending away, though!” Sokka adds quickly. “Some wise old animal who might have been a spirit taught him energy bending I guess? Anyway, he’s locked up and powerless. But… he _is_ still alive. I just… I thought you might like to know.”

Zuko sets the cup on the table next to him and nods. “Thank you.” He doesn’t have the energy to ask for more details about how, exactly, Aang managed to take away someone’s bending, and he’s pretty sure Sokka wouldn’t have the answers anyways.

“How are you feeling?” Sokka sits down on the bed next to Zuko’s and props his crutch up against the wall.

“Like I got struck by lightning.”

“Shocker.”

“That wasn’t funny.” The smile that creeps onto Zuko’s face betrays his words, though. Only the fact that his chest is still screaming in pain stops him from laughing.

_Wait. His chest._ He knows Katara used water to begin the healing process, but he has no idea if she figured out there were flowers growing inside of him or not. If she did, she must not have healed it.

The door swings open, and Katara marches in. Speak of the devil. “Get out,” she tells Sokka. “I’m talking to Zuko _alone_.”

Sokka looks between them, and Zuko does his best to act confused. Sokka grumbles something under his breath before grabbing his crutch, hoisting himself up, and limping out of the room. The remaining doctors follow him out when they see Katara’s glare.

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” She demands.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh?” She digs into her pocket and pulls out three fire lilies. “Then what are these from?” When Zuko doesn’t answer, she says, “Yeah. That’s what I thought.” She drops the flowers on Zuko’s lap and crosses her arms. “You could’ve at least told us.”

No, he couldn’t, because the person behind the flowers is _Katara’s brother_ who _has a girlfriend_ , but Zuko can’t say that, so he just looks at his hands. 

“Who are they from?”

“Mai,” Zuko blurts out before he can think better of it.

“The girl from the Boiling Rock?”

Zuko nods.

“Where is she?”

Zuko shrugs. “I sent one of the doctors to find out. I’m sure they locked her and Ty Lee up in some other high security prison, but there’s no way to know which one. It doesn’t matter, though, because I’m sure she hates me.” _And she isn’t even the reason for the flowers_.

“She _saved you_ ,” Katara points out. 

“And how did I repay her?”

“ _Zuko._ ”

Zuko sighs. As long as Katara thinks he’s in love with Mai, he’s fighting a losing battle. But what else can he do? Admit that his feelings are for Sokka?

“You’ll see,” Katara assures him. “Mai will come back and you two will live happily ever after. But in the meantime…” Katara bends the water out of his half-empty glass, “I won’t heal it fully, but I can take away some of the scarring in your throat and lungs. That’ll at least slow it down.”

“Thank you.”

For a fleeting moment, Zuko considers telling Katara the truth. She deserves that much, doesn’t she? She saved his life after Azula struck him and she’s helping him again now.

But Zuko knows better. Katara _can’t_ know the truth. It’s safer that way.

\--

Not for the first time in his life, Zuko wishes he could fall in love with Mai.

If he and Mai could fall in love with each other, Zuko wouldn’t be staring at himself in the mirror and wondering how he’s supposed to be Fire Lord when his death is just around the corner and he’s been the disgrace of the Fire Nation since he was thirteen (not to mention the disgrace of his father for far longer than that).

Uncle won’t accept the throne, Azula will start another war, and Zuko is going to die in the next few months. It’s only fitting, isn’t it? Zuko snatches the crown from his father while hacking up various kinds of deadly flowers thanks to a boy from a water tribe. Ozai would tell Zuko that his friends would be the death of him, and he’s right.

Of course he’s right.

He would laugh his cold, heartless laugh if he knew, and he would tell Zuko this is exactly what he deserves.

Zuko forces his mind to flip to the other end of the spectrum. What would _Uncle_ say? He would spew some nonsense that would only make sense in retrospect, and he would tell Zuko all of the things Zuko doesn’t want to hear.

He would tell Zuko to confront Sokka.

He would tell Zuko to stop fantasizing about a world where he could love Mai, stop debating whether or not he should marry Mai just so she can take the throne once he’s gone, stop hiding in his room away from all his friends, and go _talk to Sokka_.

Zuko would, quite honestly, rather die. Lucky him, those are exactly his two options.

Scratch that. He’s going to die either way. Might as well _not_ talk to the guy who has a girlfriend about how your unrequited feelings for him are slowly killing you. Save Sokka and Suki from the embarrassment and guilt.

\--

The day of the coronation is the first time Zuko sees Mai since the Boiling Rock. He’d given strict orders that she, Ty Lee, and the Kyoshi Warriors be released from prison immediately, and while it could be debated whether he had the authority to do that yet or not, no one argued. He also said Mai and Ty Lee were welcome to come back to the palace and he told his guards to let either one of them see him no matter what time they arrived. But with the coronation fast approaching, that was about all he could do.

Zuko is struggling to pull his robe on (stupid lightning injury still causing so much pain) when a voice calls out, “Need some help?”

Zuko knows that voice.

“Mai?”

Zuko turns and, sure enough, Mai is leaning against the door frame with a smirk on her face.

“You came.”

“Of course I came.” She crosses the room and helps Zuko put his robe on. “You’re my _friend_. And when the Fire Lord asks you to come to the palace after he frees you from prison as soon as he wakes up, you listen.” Mai must see Zuko’s shock at her knowing so much, because she adds, “Sokka told me.”

“You talked to Sokka?”

“Not on purpose. I ran into him on my way here, and he recognized me from the Boiling Rock.” Mai picks up the next layer of Zuko’s outfit and helps him put it on. “He also said you wanted to go back for me.”

“I did. I should have. I’m sorry.”

Mai shakes her head. “No. I’m glad you didn’t come back. They took Ty Lee and I to a different prison and upped the security. You were needed to train the Avatar, not rescue me. I knew the risk when I decided to help you, and I was hoping you wouldn’t be stupid enough to try to save me.”

“I’m sorry for everything else, too. I shouldn’t have left without telling you. I shouldn’t have been such a terrible friend and even worse boyfriend.”

Mai laughs. “You _were_ a pretty terrible boyfriend,” she sighs, “but I don’t think I was a very good girlfriend either. We were trying too hard to be people we aren’t. I don’t blame you for leaving. I _do_ wish you’d told me, but I get why you didn’t.” She cups Zuko’s cheek and looks him in the eye. “But you owe me an explanation.” She points at his chest. “ _Who is doing this to you?_ ”

“Please don’t kill him.”

“Why would I do that?”

“...It’s Sokka.”

Mai’s eyes go wide and she steps back. “No. No, it can’t be him. He has a girlfriend, and you need to be in love with someone who will love you back.”

“Do you think I _want_ it to be him? Don’t you think I’d rather it be someone I actually have a chance with? Or better yet, no one at all. I’d much rather not have flowers growing in my chest and trying to kill me just because I’m unlucky when it comes to love!” Zuko breathes out and steadies himself against the wall. He needs to remember he can’t shout without getting winded right now.

“I’m sorry,” Mai whispers.

“It’s fine.”

She finishes helping him get ready in silence. Technically, Zuko should be doing his own hair or having a servant do it for him, but he can’t lift his arms high enough yet and he doesn’t trust servants to do his hair, so he allows Mai to tie it up in the typical Fire Nation topknot.

“There,” Mai says once it’s done. She turns him around and places her hands on his shoulders. “You ready, Fire Lord?”

“No,” Zuko confesses.

“Yes,” Mai argues. “You are. This is what your destiny has always been.” She pulls him into a gentle hug and whispers, “I’m proud of you,” in his ear.

It takes everything in him not to cry.

\--

As soon as the ceremony is over, Zuko excuses himself to the bathroom. This time, the petals are ones Zuko recognizes as plum blossoms. Legend says they used to be found all around the Fire Nation, but most of the trees that produce them have been destroyed now. 

He burns the petals and clears his throat. He straightens his robes. He’ll figure out what to do about his approaching death later. For now, he needs to be the Fire Lord everyone expects him to be. He needs to be the Fire Lord this nation deserves.

\--

One week after the war ends, Sokka and Suki break up, and Zuko feels _terrible_ at how clear his chest suddenly feels.

They both cite something about difference of interests and how they just weren’t built to last, and everyone lets them leave it vague. 

“It’s not surprising,” Mai tells Zuko the evening after news of their breakup reaches the palace in a letter from Katara. “They hardly knew each other.”

“Don’t be cynical.”

Mai laughs, and Zuko is reminded how _easy_ it would be if he and Mai could be together for real. But they’re not even together for safety anymore, and as much as Zuko hates it, he’s grateful.

He coughs up a few rose petals, and Mai winces. Zuko just drops them on the dirt, tired of burning so many flowers. They’ll blow away in the wind and no one will have any idea where (or who) they came from.

“Are you going to tell him?”

Zuko shakes his head. If he told Sokka now, it would feel manipulative. The last thing Zuko wants to do is inadvertently take advantage of Sokka's broken heart. “It wouldn’t be fair to him.”

“I think he’s going to be pissed if you die without telling him why.”

“Yeah,” Zuko agrees. But he won’t have any guilt, and that’s what matters.

“You could get them cut out.”

“I might die.”

“Oh, how terrible.” Zuko can tell Mai is trying to sound sarcastic, but the hurt she’s trying to mask is obvious. She lowers her voice. “I think you should try.”

Zuko nods slowly. It’s risky - few people make it out of the operation alive - but he _is_ going to die either way, isn’t he? The biggest issue is the _if he lives_. If he _lives_ , Zuko’s feelings towards Sokka will dissipate, and he’ll likely forget everything about him since the Boiling Rock.

“Who would I talk to?”

Mai looks surprised that Zuko is agreeing. She masks it quickly though, reverting back to her default _bored_ expression. “I don’t know. We’ll figure something out.”

\--

The obvious answer is to go to Katara. She already knows about the illness and she saved both Zuko _and_ Aang after they’d been struck by lightning. Truthfully, she’s the person Zuko most trusts to heal him.

The problem is, if Zuko goes to Katara, he’ll have to confess he lied about being in love with Mai. He and Mai have been on good terms since she returned to the palace, so it’s safe to assume she and Aang both believe Zuko’s issues have been resolved. Zuko and Mai haven’t told anyone their relationship was just a facade to keep them both safely in the closet while Ozai was Fire Lord and same-sex marriage was illegal. But Zuko has already made a motion to overturn that law, and before it gets officially overturned, he won’t be enforcing it. Mai is allowed to love whomever she pleases, and Zuko _wants_ her to find love. _Real_ love.

So if Zuko can’t go to Katara, his next best hope is another waterbender who is master of the healing aspect of waterbending. According to Sokka, the Northern Water Tribe teaches their women to heal with waterbending while teaching their men to fight. (He also noted that hopefully, after Katara proved her worth, women would be allowed to learn fighting too, but fighting wouldn’t help Zuko.)

The problem was finding a waterbender he could trust, and finding a way to bring them to the Fire Nation. Because there was no way Zuko would be able to go to the Northern Water Tribe inconspicuously.

Maybe it would be best to just feed Katara a different lie. Or tell her part of the truth - that Mai could never love him as more than a friend. He didn’t need to mention that he couldn’t love Mai as more than a friend either, or that he’d lied and the flowers were actually from Sokka. 

**IV**

**_why did i ever catch these stupid feelings?_ **

Two weeks later, Sokka, Katara, and Aang are visiting the Fire Nation for the first time since Zuko’s coronation. A guard interrupts a meeting Zuko doesn’t want to be in with the news that Appa has landed, and Zuko dismisses the meeting before the guard can finish his sentence. The meeting can wait; his friends can’t.

If it were allowed, Zuko would run all the way out to where his friends are waiting, but he restrains himself and opts for speed walking instead. 

As soon as he steps out of the palace, Aang is doing his airbender speedrun and latching his arms around Zuko. Katara and Sokka are on his heels, joining the hug once they reach him. Zuko is vaguely aware that they should have greeted each other with polite bows, but he also doesn’t care.

When Zuko’s friends finally let him go, they all immediately start bombarding him with questions. _“How have you been?” “How’s Mai?” “Are you two back together?” “Have you heard from your uncle recently?” “Can you tell Iroh I said hi?”_

Overwhelmed, Zuko takes a step back and starts coughing into his sleeve. The questions stop when Sokka says, “Guys, calm down.” Zuko feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Sokka smiling at him. “You okay?”

Zuko blinks, taking a moment to register the question. Eventually, he nods. “Y-Yeah.” He closes his eyes and takes a breath, focusing on his feet against the ground. Once he feels he’s securely rooted himself back in reality, he opens his eyes again. “Why don’t I show you to your rooms?”

Momo swoops down from where he was perched on Appa’s head and settles on Aang’s shoulder. The guards eye the winged lemur warily, but Zuko ignores them. Momo is well-behaved enough to not trash the palace.

As they walk, Sokka dramatically recounts a story about how he and Aang pulled a prank on Bato. Zuko notices that he’s still limping a little, but he’s not using his crutch to walk anymore, so his leg must be much better. Having Katara as a sister probably does wonders for the healing process.

\--

They go into town the next day, and much to Zuko’s dismay, Katara and Aang desert the group in favor of going on an impromptu date and leaving Zuko with Sokka. Even worse, without anyone else there to deflect him, Sokka spends half the day clinging onto Zuko’s arm because he can’t go two seconds without touching someone.

Zuko wants to be annoyed, but really, he can’t. And surprisingly, Sokka’s proximity seems to make breathing easier today. Zuko resents to think it might have something to do with the fact that Sokka and Suki aren’t together anymore.

Maybe if he convinces himself Sokka likes him back, the flowers will go away. Can you outsmart a disease?

Before Zuko can dwell on that for too long, Sokka is pulling him over to a stand selling different types of desserts and pointing at whatever menu item caught his eye.

“What is that? It looks good! Have you had one before?”

Zuko’s eyes follow Sokka’s finger to the menu. “A s’more?” Zuko asks.

Sokka nods enthusiastically. 

“It’s--” Zuko hesitates. “Do you have marshmallows in the South Pole?”

“No. I don’t know what those are.”

How is he supposed to explain what a s’more is if Sokka doesn’t even know what _marshmallows_ are? “Okay, well, marshmallows are--” Zuko shakes his head. “You’re just going to have to try it.” Before Zuko can stop himself, he buys two s’mores - one for him, and one for Sokka.

“You didn’t have to buy it for me!” Sokka says.

Zuko just shrugs and takes the treats from the woman working the stand. “It’s not really a big deal.”

They can barely find a place to sit down before Sokka is biting into his s’more and practically melting into his chair. “ _How_ have I never had one of these before? This is the greatest thing I’ve ever eaten in my entire life!”

Zuko eats his s’more slowly, savoring the sweetness. He hasn’t eaten one since before his banishment, but it’s every bit as good as he remembers. It helps that he gets to listen to Sokka’s s’more commentary too. “It’s chocolate-y, but also cinnamon-y, and also _sticky_! Why is it so sticky?”

Zuko laughs.

“This isn’t funny!” Sokka is looking at his fingers, which are covered in marshmallow goo. 

“Eating a s’more for the first time and making a mess of it is a Fire Nation rite of passage.”

“Well I’m not Fire Nation,” Sokka points out. Zuko assumes that’s the end of the argument and Sokka will go back to eating, but the mischievous grin that spreads across Sokka’s face tells him he’s wrong.

Sokka lunges across the table, and Zuko barely manages to duck out of the way before Sokka can smear marshmallow on his face. 

“Hey! This is treason!”

“My apologies, Fire Lord Hotman.” So Sokka has picked up Aang’s nickname for Zuko. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to handle it if Sokka and Aang inadvertently bring back Fire Nation slang from a hundred years ago. “Let me shake your hand to make up for it.”

“Absolutely not.”

Sokka pouts, staring at Zuko with those puppy dog eyes, and Zuko forces himself to look down at the table. His chest seizes then, and he forgets about Sokka’s pleas in favor of using all his energy to not allow any flower petals to come up.

“You okay there, buddy?”

Zuko clears his throat. He sees Sokka go to pat him on the shoulder out of the corner of his eye, but he stops and looks at his hands. “I, uh, won’t touch your clothes.”

“Thanks,” Zuko manages.

Sokka sits back down and pops the last of his s’more into his mouth, then eyes Zuko’s, which is only half gone. 

“Do you want it?”

“Oh, no, it’s fine--”

Zuko slides it across the table to Sokka. “I’m done. Too much sugar for me to eat all at once.” That’s a lie, but the way Sokka’s face lights up makes it worth it.

He scarfs down the other half of Zuko’s s’more, and then Zuko has to find somewhere for Sokka to wash his hands.

Once his hands are clean, he immediately turns and presses a wet hand to Zuko’s face.

“Sokka!”

“Gotcha!”

Zuko wipes the water away with his sleeve and glares at Sokka, but he can’t hold the glare for long. He grumbles something about how annoying Sokka is, but he can’t stop his smile.

“You know I’m your favorite,” Sokka jokes. And then he throws an arm around Zuko’s shoulder and everything inside of Zuko _freezes_.

“Sorry!” Sokka takes his arm away. “I forgot to ask. I’m sorry.”

Zuko shakes his head. “It’s fine. I was just… caught off guard.” And replaying every single time Sokka put his arm around Suki in his mind at a single instant. But that’s not relevant.

“Oh. In that case…” Sokka moves slower this time, giving Zuko plenty of warning that his arm is going back over his shoulder, but it still doesn’t quite prepare Zuko for how it feels once his arm has settled. It’s so casual, and so… couple-y.

It makes Zuko want to puke.

“Can we go look at swords?” Sokka asks, eyes bright, and _wow_ he is so close.

“S-sure!” Zuko stammers.

And then Sokka’s arm is gone again so his hand can grab Zuko’s and lead him through the crowds to whatever weapons shop he wants to look at. He says something about his “space sword”, but Zuko is too focused on the feeling of his hand in Sokka’s to listen very well.

\--

Mai joins them for dinner, and Aang shoots Zuko a cheeky grin. Zuko pretends he doesn’t see it. Mai is only there because she refuses to leave the palace, and Zuko got tired of trying to convince her to go back home. Also, he likes having a friend there. 

Katara and Aang are both overly friendly to Mai, and Zuko wants to tell them to _cut it out_ because Mai has no idea he lied to them about being in love with her, but he keeps his mouth shut and pretends Aang and Katara are just being their normal selves. Mai doesn’t look like she’s falling for it.

At least Sokka seems oblivious.

\--

“What did you tell Aang and Katara?” Mai asks Zuko the moment they’re alone. After dinner, she dragged him away from the others (he dreads to think what they’re assuming about _that_ ), and now she has him backed up against a wall and she might as well be holding a knife to his throat.

“Well…”

“Zuko. _Tell me_.”

“I _might_ have told them the flowers were from you.”

Mai glares at him for long enough that Zuko is sure she’ll kill him before the flowers can, but she eventually backs away and her shoulders drop. “I want to be mad.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You should be.”

“Aang asked if it was you, and I didn’t exactly think I’d live long enough for it to matter if I lied, and Aang couldn’t keep this secret from Sokka to save his life, and--” Zuko stops himself when he realizes he’s rambling. “I’m sorry. That’s not a good excuse. I shouldn’t have lied to them.”

Mai sighs. “You’re so stupid.”

“I know.”

“...But I get it. I would’ve lied if I was in your position too.” Mai turns and looks down the hall. “How long do you have left?”

“No idea. Katara did a partial heal right after the war ended, but it’s hard to know how much damage she actually reversed and how long I had in the first place.” Zuko looks at the ground. “My best guess is a few months. Unless I find some other waterbender who can do more partial healing, or I fess up to Katara. But I _can’t_ talk to Sokka. He deserves time to get over Suki without having my issues hanging over his head.”

Mai looks like she wants to argue, but she doesn’t. She just hangs her head and lets out a soft sigh. “I can’t make your decisions for you, so I won’t try. Just… don’t take this lightly. Don’t take your death lightly.”

“I’m not!”

“Yes. You are.” With that, Mai turns and walks away.

\--

When Zuko meets back up with the others, Aang and Katara are giggling. Sokka is rhythmically tapping his finger on his boomerang and staring at the ground.

Zuko sits next to Sokka, and Sokka turns, angling his body away from him. Zuko coughs. So much for tricking himself into thinking Sokka liked him back.

“Let’s play a game!” Aang says, breaking the heavy silence that had begun to settle over the group. He pushes himself into a standing position with a burst of air.

“What game?” Sokka mumbles. Something clearly has him in a bad mood.

“We could play Truth or Dare?” Katara suggests. “Or Never Have I Ever?”

“Why would I want to play your girly slumber party games?” Sokka growls.

Katara looks taken aback. “What?”

“Never mind.” He stands up. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Once Sokka is gone, Zuko looks at Aang and Katara. “What’s up with him?”

Aang shrugs. Katara says, “He just gets moody sometimes.” She rolls her eyes. “Teenage boy mood swings, am I right?” Zuko doesn’t think that explains Sokka’s sudden mood shift. There must be some outside factor, but he’s not sure what.

“So how are you and Mai?” Aang asks.

“Oh, you know,” Zuko waves his hand vaguely. He doesn’t want to think about what Mai said to him, so he changes the topic. “How are you two?”

Aang and Katara say they’ve been good, and Aang launches into some spiel about Katara trying to teach him how to cook, apparently with varying levels of success.

When Sokka returns, his mood has notably improved. He suggests he and Katara teach Aang and Zuko a classic Southern Water Tribe card game, and Katara readily agrees, so the four gather in a circle on the floor as Sokka explains the rules.

\--

Zuko wakes up to a small collection of white and blue flower petals on the pillow next to him. He groans and pulls the blankets over his head. Now he’s coughing up flowers in his sleep?! At least he isn't having too much trouble breathing yet.

A knock on the door interrupts his moping. Zuko scoops up the petals and discards them in the trash. “Yes?”

“It’s me!” Sokka’s voice calls from the other side.

“Oh!” Zuko looks into the trash. The petals are too obvious. He grabs a shirt out of his dresser and tosses it into the trash as well, effectively covering the petals. “Come in!”

“Katara and Aang were being annoying, so I came to find--” Sokka stops short and the door _thunks_ shut behind him. “Where’s Mai?”

Zuko just stares at him.

“Isn’t she living in the palace with you?”

“Yes…? OH!” Zuko’s eyes go wide once it hits him. “No! Not like that! She’s here as my friend, and like, sometimes a bodyguard. ...Wait, were you here looking for _Mai_?”

“No! Kind of?” Sokka shakes his head. “I was going to make some jab about if you and Mai were going to be as annoying as Aang and Katara. I was mostly looking for you, though.” Sokka practically bounces across the room and plops down onto Zuko’s bed like he belongs there. “So you and Mai _aren’t_ together?”

Zuko shakes his head.

“Why not?”

There are several actual reasons Zuko could give Sokka. _I’m gay. Mai’s a lesbian. I’m in love with you._ Instead, he just shrugs and says, “It wasn’t going to work out between us. We work better as friends.”

Sokka nods. “Like Suki and I.”

Zuko sits down next to Sokka. “I’m sorry about that, by the way. I never got the chance to say anything.”

“It’s fine. And you did, in your letter back to Katara.”

Did he? Zuko can’t remember what he writes in most of his letters. They usually all blur together, and if he remembers correctly, Mai helped him write that one. Though, now that he thinks about it, he does remember telling Mai they should let Sokka know they’re sorry about the break up.

“I’m sorry about you and Mai, too.” Sokka looks down at his fingers. “After what she said at the Boiling Rock, I really thought you two were meant to be.”

“What she said at--?” _Oh._ About her love for Zuko being stronger than her fear of Azula. Right. “It was more of a… friend thing.” It’s a poor explanation, but it’s at least true. Besides, Zuko isn’t going to out Mai.

“A friend thing?”

“Mai’s like a sister to me,” Zuko adds, which is almost true. Zuko doesn’t exactly know what a healthy relationship with a sibling should be like, so it’s kind of a guess.

“But you two dated?”

“Everyone wanted us to.” Another half-truth. “I don’t…” Zuko bites his lip. His overwhelming fear of rejection stops him from saying what he really wants to. “Never mind.”

Sokka places a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “You don’t have to explain.”

“Thanks,” Zuko whispers, but he’s not sure it comes out loud enough for Sokka to hear.

**V**

**_i am made of porcelain (cracking now and then)_ **

The moment Appa takes off to return Sokka, Katara, and Aang to the south pole, Zuko’s lungs seem to shut down. It’s only because Mai is there to steady him that he doesn’t fall to the ground. Mai shoos the guards away as Zuko leans on her, gasping for breath.

“I’m taking you to Ba Sing Se,” Mai says, and it’s not a question.

“Why?” Zuko rasps out.

“To see your uncle.” Zuko can’t argue because he doesn’t have enough breath left in him to say anything, or _do_ anything besides focus on breathing. Mai barks some orders to the guards, who rush off to do whatever she told them. Zuko wants to tell Mai she doesn’t have the authority to order his guards around like this, but he can’t.

“We’re sitting down.” Mai lowers Zuko until he’s seated on the stairs, and that’s when he begins coughing.

Mai keeps one hand on Zuko’s back, but Zuko can still sort of hear her ordering his guards around. He isn’t mad about that anymore. It’s probably a good thing they listen to Mai, because Zuko is in absolutely no shape to do anything besides try to force flowers out of his throat.

“You’re _not_ dying right now,” Mai tells him. She sounds angry, but Zuko knows her well enough to know she’s mostly just scared.

That’s what gives Zuko enough strength to shake his head and reply, “No. I’m not,” in a hoarse voice. He can’t leave the Fire Nation without a ruler, and he can’t leave Mai all alone. He’s going to find someone who can get these stupid flowers out of his lungs, even if it means he’ll forget Sokka. He can’t condemn the world for a stupid crush.

\--

Zuko burns every single petal that falls from his lips on the way to Ba Sing Se. He loses track of how many coughing fits he has and how many flowers he coughs up. Over the course of the journey, Mai’s face goes from bored to worried. If Mai is actually showing her feelings on her face, it must be bad.

They travel by balloon until they reach the Earth Kingdom, where they switch to travelling by carriage because Zuko shouldn't be walking long distances right now. The carriage stops in front of the Jasmine Dragon, and Mai helps Zuko out. Breathing is coming slightly easier, but he still has to lean on Mai in order to make it inside without passing out.

Uncle smiles upon seeing Zuko, but his face falls almost immediately. He and Mai have a quick conversation Zuko doesn’t catch because they’re both on his bad side, and then Mai helps Zuko into the back room. It isn’t long before Uncle meets them.

Mai helps Zuko into a chair. “Hanahaki,” she tells Uncle. “It was manageable for a while, but… something happened and his condition worsened exponentially all at once.” She pours a glass of water and hands it to Zuko like she works there. Zuko takes a hesitant sip, unsure if he’ll be able to keep anything down right now.

Uncle purses his lips, but doesn’t say anything. He just sets to work pulling ingredients out of cupboards and mixing up some sort of tea concoction. Zuko takes another small sip of water.

“How long?” Uncle finally asks. When neither Mai nor Zuko answers, he asks again, harsher, “ _How long?_ ”

“Since the Boiling Rock,” Zuko rasps. “Before… before the war ended. After the eclipse. Dunno--” he coughs, “how long exactly.”

“Zuko, you should not have kept this hidden.”

“Mai knew.”

Uncle doesn’t humor that with a response. Zuko knows what he meant. He meant he should have told Uncle, or he should have come clean to Sokka. Mai is a wonderful friend, but she’s powerless to hold off the flowers.

Uncle exchanges Zuko’s cup of water for a cup of tea. “Drink,” he orders. “It will not heal completely, but it will ease your pain and restore your breath.”

Zuko obeys. The tea tastes horrible, but he drinks it anyway.

“Who is causing this?”

Mai looks at Zuko, and Zuko looks down at his tea like it will get him out of answering Uncle’s question.

“I’ll tell him if you don’t,” Mai threatens.

Zuko sighs. “It’s Sokka. The boy fr--”

“From the Southern Water Tribe,” Uncle finishes. “Yes, I know who he is. I was there when we were following the Avatar around the world, remember?” Mai lets out a quiet laugh at this while Zuko just glares into his tea. “Why haven’t you told him?”

“He had a girlfriend,” Mai answers for Zuko. She shoots a look at him that says _drink_ , and Zuko listens. “They only broke up a few weeks ago and Zuko doesn’t want to accidentally take advantage of a broken heart.”

“That is very noble of you. But you cannot let this get worse until a time comes where you feel it is right to tell him.”

“I won’t.” Zuko takes another drink of tea. As terrible as it is, it _is_ helping clear his lungs. “I’m going to find someone who can take the flowers out.”

Mai and Uncle both look surprised by this for some reason.

“You will forget everything about Sokka since this started,” Uncle points out.

“You two were getting along so well!” Mai protests.

“I thought you _wanted_ me to do this.” Zuko has to keep his voice steady in order to not run out of breath, but he hopes Mai knows he’s yelling in his heart. “I know I’m going to forget about him, but I don’t have another choice. I have an entire country to worry about. If I die, there will be no one left to take the throne.”

“You could die from surgery just as easy as you could die from this disease.” Uncle doesn't get angry often, but Zuko is guessing this is one of those rare times.

“This is _my_ life!” He shouts. He forces himself to take a few deep breaths and then another sip of tea. “I know the risks, but I am not going to put pressure onto Sokka just because I’m afraid. Like Mai said, he and Suki broke up only a few weeks ago. Like you said, I can’t wait around until I feel that enough time has passed since their break up for me to confront Sokka. One more attack like today’s and I could be done for.” Another drink. He looks at Mai. “ _You_ told me to take this seriously. What changed?”

“What changed is I _saw_ you and Sokka in the same room together.” Mai closes her eyes for a moment, and wipes her face clean of any emotion. She opens her eyes and looks straight at Zuko. “You just want any excuse to keep your life miserable. You don’t know how to be happy, so you keep running from any chance at happiness you have. You’re so scared of feeling anything that isn’t fear, loneliness, or anger, that you’re going to throw everything you’ve worked for away just to keep from going out of your emotional comfort zone.” She takes a deep breath, turns, and walks out of the room.

Zuko has half a mind to smash his cup on the floor, but he knows he needs to finish drinking. So he bites the inside of his cheek hard enough that it draws blood and tries not to grip the cup in his hand hard enough to shatter it.

“I am afraid Mai is right.”

“ _WHAT?_!” Zuko can’t stop himself from yelling. But yelling brings on another coughing fit, and that brings two fire lilies, which Zuko promptly burns.

“You have suffered much in your life, Zuko. You must not be afraid of happiness when the opportunity presents itself.”

“You think a deadly disease is my perfect chance for a fairytale ending?” Zuko grumbles. “It’s not, okay? _Nothing_ about this is happy.” He drinks the last of the tea and sets his cup aside. “And even _if_ Sokka were to reciprocate my feelings, how are we supposed to do anything about it? The people of the Fire Nation are not going to take too kindly to their Fire Lord having a boyfriend.”

“I believe they will be more accepting than you think.”

\--

Zuko and Mai spend the night in Ba Sing Se. They rise with the sun before most of the Earth Kingdom, and Uncle prepares another cup of tea for Zuko.

While Zuko sips on his drink and tries not to think about what Mai said the night before, Uncle makes jasmine tea for him and Mai. Mai sits on the opposite end of the table from Zuko and refuses to look at him. It’s just as well, because Zuko doesn’t want to look at Mai either.

Uncle sips his tea and looks back and forth between the two of them. “If I didn’t know better, I would say you two are locked in a lovers’ quarrel.”

His comment probably has the exact reaction he’s hoping for, because both Mai and Zuko exclaim, “We’re both gay!” while Uncle smiles to himself.

Before Uncle can make anymore snide remarks to get Mai and Zuko to agree against what he says, there’s a knock on the door. Mai and Zuko go back to ignoring each other while Uncle answers it.

Suki and Ty Lee come barreling in, asking questions Zuko can’t make out the individual words to. Seeing Ty Lee is fine, but did _Suki_ really have to come with her?

Mai drops her cup on the table and stands up. “Ty Lee?”

“Mai!” Ty Lee all but throws herself at Mai, and they’re lucky Mai doesn’t topple over from the force of Ty Lee’s hug.

“We were in the city visiting Toph, but we came as soon as we got Iroh’s message,” Suki explains.

“What, exactly, did Uncle’s message say?” Zuko questions, side-eyeing Uncle, who looks suspiciously innocent.

“That you and Mai are visiting him!” Ty Lee exclaims. “And that he was sure you’d want to see us.”

Zuko bites his tongue to stop himself from making some snippy comment about how he’s happy to see Ty Lee, but not Suki. It’s not like it’s Suki’s fault she and Sokka were dating. Well, maybe it is, but can Zuko really blame her? No. And Suki’s a good person. She just happens to be the ex of the boy Zuko is in love with, which makes things a little awkward for him.

“Would you girls care for some tea?” Uncle offers

“Yes, please!”

“Sure! Thank you.”

Uncle pours two more cups of tea and sets them in front of Ty Lee and Suki. Ty Lee has chosen to move her chair as close to Mai’s as physically possible while Suki is sitting on Mai’s other side, at a respectable distance between both her and Zuko. Zuko glares at Uncle, but Uncle pretends to not notice.

“How have you two been?” Ty Lee chirps. Zuko guesses she’s talking to both of them, but her eyes are glued to Mai.

“Fine,” Zuko offers.

“We’ve been good,” Mai says. Anything to contradict Zuko. “Busy restoring the Fire Nation’s honor. You know how it is.” She shoots a glare at Zuko. “And the Fire Lord is being stubborn as always.”

“Not true,” Zuko mumbles, even though he knows it is.

Suki clears her throat. “Right. Well. I hope you two work things out.”

“Depends if Zuko will stop acting like a child.”

“Depends if Mai will stop acting like my mother,” Zuko retorts.

Ty Lee and Suki are both looking between them, varying degrees of confusion etched across their faces. Uncle has made himself scarce (of course he would). Finally Suki speaks up. “Okay, I’ll bite. What’s up with you two? This doesn’t feel like a normal couples' argument.”

“We’re not dating!” Zuko and Mai chorus.

Suki blinks. “You’re not?”

Zuko throws his hands up in exasperation. “Why does everything think that?”

“She betrayed the Fire Nation for you,” Suki explains. “And then she said she loved you more than she feared the most terrifying person I have ever met, besides maybe Toph. Excuse me for making assumptions, but that sounds like a _‘We’re getting back together after the war ends and we’ll fix the Fire Nation together’_ type of thing.”

Mai frowns. “Okay, I see how that might have been confusing if you didn’t know.”

Suki raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t know _what_?”

Mai opens her mouth, then clamps it shut. She eyes Zuko, looking for help, but Zuko just sits back and watches her frantically search for something to say. Once she’s suffered enough, Zuko says, “I’m gay.” He might be mad at Mai, but he’s not going to force her to come out to someone she doesn’t want to.

“We both are.”

So was this a ploy to get Zuko to come out to Suki? Or did Mai just not want to come out alone?

“Huh.” Suki doesn’t sound judgmental or even surprised. She sounds like she’s found the missing piece of a puzzle. “Makes sense.” Then, she quickly adds, “I’m cool with it, by the way. I like girls too.”

“Same here,” Ty Lee pipes up. Then, she looks down into her cup of tea. The rumors of her and Azula’s kiss float back into Zuko’s mind. He half wonders if Ty Lee _wanted_ to kiss Azula, or if Azula forced it onto her.

Then, he realizes all four of them - he, Mai, Ty Lee, and Azula - were viewed as the Fire Nation’s pride and joy (the Fire Nation’s glorious future) for the three most successful weeks of the war, when everyone thought they were unbeatable. And they were all one confession away from banishment.

Zuko almost hopes his father catches wind of that. He hopes his father has already heard about Zuko’s reversal on the same-sex marriage ban and knows it was one of Zuko’s very first orders of business after assuming the throne. He hopes his father is seething in his cell right now.

He hopes Azula realizes that she doesn’t have to hide anymore.

\--

Zuko doesn’t mean to eavesdrop. He’s meant to be taking a break from helping Uncle serve tea so he doesn’t get too out of breath, and his intent is to spend that time in the back room. He doesn’t expect to hear Mai and Ty Lee talking through the door.

“I would love to, but…” Mai’s voice trails off. “I can’t. I need to stay with Zuko.”

“It would just be for a couple days,” Ty Lee protests.

“I know, I know. But I don’t like the thought of Zuko being alone in the palace. He doesn’t… he doesn’t always take care of himself the way he should, and the servants can only do so much. _I_ can force feed him when he hasn’t eaten all day. He won’t even let the servants in the room.”

_Why_ is Mai telling Ty Lee this? And Zuko can care for himself perfectly fine! So what if he skips a few meals every now and then? He’s the Fire Lord; he has work to do.

“Oh, okay.” Ty Lee sounds… sad? Zuko wishes he’d heard the first part of their conversation. “Maybe you could come visit some other time?”

“Maybe.”

_Oh._ Zuko slips out into the lobby and takes a seat on a chair in the corner. Mai’s giving up a trip to visit Ty Lee so she can mother him? Zuko should have barged in there and told her he could last two days without her in the palace. She wouldn’t believe him, though. But he hates that he’s the reason Mai can’t go visit her friend. Why should Mai be forced to choose Zuko over Ty Lee? That isn’t fair.

As he watches Mai emerge from the back room, he searches for any ideas for how to convince Mai to take Ty Lee up on her offer. She doesn’t want him in the palace without a friend, so… so… 

So Zuko needs to find another friend who will stay in the palace with him while Mai is gone! 

But who? 

Suki’s a no go, for obvious reasons. Same with Sokka. Katara and Aang can’t go that long without seeing each other, and the last thing Zuko wants to do is be their third wheel. That leaves…

_Toph!_

Mai knows Zuko will listen to Toph because while she might be young, she’s powerful and she’s scary when she’s against you. Toph also apparently happens to be here in Ba Sing Se. All he needs to do is invite Toph to spend a few days with him in the palace, and then Mai can take her trip to Kyoshi Island. It’s a foolproof plan.

\--

“Where are you going?”

Zuko freezes. “Nowhere.”

Mai sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. “Zuko, you are the Fire Lord. You can’t wander away on a whim.”

Zuko groans and turns around to look at Mai. The tea shop is mostly empty. Ty Lee is sitting on the counter, chatting with Uncle and Suki. The few customers in the shop are contentedly sipping on tea. He should’ve waited for a rush.

Mai grabs Zuko’s arm and practically throws him down in a chair. When did she get so strong? “What are you up to?”

“I heard you and Ty Lee talking,” Zuko confesses. 

“So what? You were going to sneak back to the Fire Nation without me?”

“No! No, I was going to go find Toph. I wanted you to be able to go to Kyoshi Island, so I was going to ask Toph to stay with me in the palace while you’re gone. So you wouldn’t worry.”

Mai’s expression softens. “Zuko…”

“You deserve a break. Besides, Toph will break my legs and call it bonebending if I don’t eat.”

Mai takes a deep breath. “Okay. _But_ I’m not letting you go run around Ba Sing Se until you find her. _I_ will go talk to her. _You_ are going to stay right here because you’re still in no condition to take long walks.”

Zuko wants to protest, but he knows Mai is right. He crosses his arms. “Fine.”

And then Mai does something Zuko did not expect. She goes to Ty Lee and says something that makes Ty Lee beam, and she gently leads Ty Lee out of the shop. Zuko has never seen Mai that… _soft_ … with anyone.

\--

“You alright, Sparky?” Toph asks as soon as she jumps out of her carriage. According to Mai and Ty Lee, she’d been ecstatic to be invited to stay in the palace and ‘order Zuko around’. Zuko didn’t know what Mai and Ty Lee had told her, but it had been too late to argue at that point. “You feel… off.”

“I don’t even get a hello?” Zuko asks instead of responding to Toph’s question.

“Hello. Are you sick?”

“No.”

“You forget I know when you’re lying.” Toph tuts. “Trying to keep secrets from the greatest earthbender of all time. A rookie mistake.” And then she’s running up and hugging him, squeezing all the air from his lungs. Toph might get annoying over the next few days, but Zuko knows he was right in his decision.

“Seriously, though.” Toph steps back. “Your breathing is all wonky. Do you have a lung condition?”

“Uh…”

“Whatever. I’ll pester you more later. Right now, I want _food_!”

Zuko lets out a sigh of relief. He’s safe, for now at least. Maybe Toph will forget about bothering him and just let him be. He kind of doubts it, though. “Of course! I had the kitchen staff prepare for your arrival.”

“Aw, Sparky, you’re so sweet.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Call you what? Sparky? Or sweet?”

“Both.”

“Not a chance. Nice try, though.”

\--

Toph waits until they’re alone to demand more information, but as it turns out, she doesn’t have to do much demanding. Zuko’s condition has worsened enough that he ends up not being able to hide the petals from Toph, even though he’s been drinking Uncle’s tea daily.

“I think I’ve heard of this,” Toph says as she feels the soft white petals. “Hanahaki Disease, right?” She sets the petals on the ground. “Caused by unrequited love, and pretty much impossible to cure unless the person causing it ends up revealing they actually do have feelings for you.”

Zuko sighs. “That about sums it up.”

“So who is it? Who’s the lucky girl? It must not be Mai. ...Is _that_ why you and her didn’t get back together? Does she _know_?”

“You have a lot of questions.”

“And you’re avoiding all of them.”

Darn. Why did Zuko think he could outsmart Toph again? “Yes, Mai knows. No, that’s not exactly the reason we didn’t get back together. We both agreed we’re better off as friends. And there is no lucky girl.”

Toph gasps. “A lucky _boy_?!” She punches Zuko’s arm. “You’re even more interesting than I thought!”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“Three words.” Toph puts one finger up for each of the next words as she says them. “Forbidden. Love. Story.”

Zuko pushes Toph’s hand down. “It’s not _forbidden_. It’s just… not going to work out. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like guys, and he _definitely_ doesn’t like me.”

“I can’t agree or disagree if I don’t know who it is,” Toph says in a sing-song voice.

“I’m not telling you.”

“Then I’ll just guess names until I figure it out.” Toph taps a finger to her chin and Zuko feels his heartbeat speed up. Apparently Toph feels it too. “You’re nervous! It must be someone I know, then.” She thinks for a few moments longer before she gasps again, even louder this time. “Oh! Is it--” she lowers her voice, “Sparky, do you have a crush on _Sokka_?!”

“No!”

“Liar!” Toph jumps up and points a finger at Zuko accusingly. “You’re lying! It _is_ Sokka!”

“Be quiet!”

But Toph is laughing at this point. _Laughing_. How is this funny?!

She dramatically wipes a tear away, and Zuko can’t tell if the tear was real or fake. “You think--” she giggles again. “You think _Sokka_ doesn’t like _boys_?” She collapses in another fit of laughter. “Sokka? Mr. ‘I Want The Boulder To Crush Me With His Big Muscles’? Not liking guys?” Toph pushes herself back to her feet and sighs. “That’s a good one. Also, he definitely has the hots for you.”

“Toph!” Zuko exclaims. He can feel his face turning red, but at least Toph can’t see that. “Don’t say it like that! Wait.” The full force of what Toph just said hits him. “You think Sokka likes me back?”

“Are you questioning my judgment?”

Yes. “No.”

“Liar.”

“There’s no way Sokka likes me back,” Zuko insists. “He just broke up with Suki. He’s still stuck in that period where it’s too soon to move on.”

“How would you even know that? Your only relationship was with Mai, and you didn’t even like her!”

“I did too like her! Just… not like that.”

“That’s what I meant.” Toph crosses her arms. “Fine. I’m taking you on a life-changing field trip, since _you_ never took _me_ on one.”

“I-- What?”

“You know, before the war ended. You took Aang to find a firebending master, you took your future boyfriend to break his dad out of prison, you took Katara to avenge her mom.” Toph throws open Zuko’s closet door and runs her hands across the clothes before she yanks out a cloak and throws it in Zuko’s direction. “Put it on. Your guards aren’t allowed to come with us. Not that they’d need to; I’m a perfectly capable bodyguard.”

“I can defend myself, Toph,” Zuko says. He puts the cloak on anyways. “Where are we going?”

“No questions.”

\--

Toph uses her earthbending to move them once they’re out of the city, and the wind whipping past them has Zuko coughing most of the way there. Wherever “there” might be.

By the time they stop moving, the sun has dipped below the horizon. “Stop number one,” Toph says, but they’re surrounded by an empty field. She points up at the sky.

Zuko looks up. “The stars?”

“No, you dolt.” Toph tries pointing at an angle, but she clearly has no idea where she wants Zuko to look. He scans the sky until--

“The moon.”

“Her name is Yue.”

“I know.” Zuko stares up at the half moon and wonders if Yue is staring back down at them. “What am I supposed to do?” Zuko can’t _talk_ to Yue, or at least, he can’t expect a response. Is he just supposed to stare up at the moon and contemplate his life choices?

“She was Sokka’s first girlfriend,” Toph says, like that answers Zuko’s question. “You were in the North Pole when that Fire Nation general tried to destroy the moon spirit.” Zuko grimaces at the memory of stealing Aang’s body while the Avatar was in the spirit world before inevitably getting stuck in the snow and having to be saved by Team Avatar. “She wanted Sokka to move on, and he knew that. Suki is the same way.”

“Suki isn’t dead,” Zuko points out. Okay, well technically, Yue isn’t dead either. But she’s the moon, so it’s not like Sokka has any chance of getting back together with her.

“That’s not the point!” Toph sounds exasperated, but it’s her fault for not picking a better field trip destination. They could’ve looked at the moon from the palace roof. “Suki and Sokka aren’t getting back together. Suki told me they had a long discussion about it and they both wanted the other to find love elsewhere. Suki _also_ said she wouldn’t be hurt if Sokka moved on quickly and she’s hoping he won’t wait to admit his feelings for someone else because he thinks it’s too soon.”

“She said that?” Zuko is pretty sure Toph is fibbing, but he doesn’t have Toph’s superpower of lie detection.

“Yes!” Toph grumbles something under her breath and then says, “Fine. Next stop.” She stomps, and their ride continues. Zuko’s coughing fit picks back up too, and by the time they arrive at their second destination, he’s holding two fire lilies, a rose, and a plum blossom.

“Get up,” Toph demands. Zuko drops the flowers and does as she says.

“Where are we?” It’s too dark to see far and Zuko’s lack of vision in his left eye doesn’t help. 

“No. Questions.” Toph yanks Zuko towards what he assumes is someone’s house. The closer they get, the bigger it looks, and Zuko realizes the entire property has a fence around it. They stop in front of the gates, and Toph knocks until they swing open.

“Who are you?” The guard (or servant? Zuko isn’t sure) looks tired.

“Toph Beifong! Plus one.”

The guard nods and steps out of the way, allowing Toph and Zuko through. She leads them into the house, and to Zuko’s surprise, candles are lighting the room up well enough that you’d believe it wasn’t pitch black outside.

“Toph Beifong is here with a guest,” the guard announces.

A few moments later, a man Zuko recognizes as one of the members of the Order of the White Lotus descends the stairs. He bows, and Zuko bows back respectfully. Toph doesn’t bow, but she never does. She claims she can’t see when people bow, but Zuko knows that’s a lie.

“Good evening, Toph. Good evening, Fire Lord Zuko.”

Zuko is too busy trying to figure out which White Lotus member is standing across from them to realize he should say _Good evening_ back until Toph says it.

“Good evening! Sparky here,” she elbows Zuko, “is being difficult, so I’m taking him on a field trip. We need to talk to Jeong-Jeong. There’s a meeting tonight, right?”

The man stares at Toph for several moments before nodding. “Follow me.”

How did Toph know there was a meeting tonight?

“Your uncle keeps me up to date on the Order of the White Lotus,” Toph explains like she could hear Zuko’s thoughts. “I’m pretty sure he does it out of spite because he thinks they should let women join the group, but Pakku is a misogynistic bitch and he’s the senior member or something.”

Zuko doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he doesn’t.

They follow the man upstairs and he leads them to a room at the end of the hall. He knocks once before opening the door. He motions for Toph and Zuko to follow him inside.

“Toph apologized for interrupting--”

Toph crosses her arms. “No I didn’t!”

The man sighs deeply. “She’s requested--”

“ _Zuko_?”

Zuko’s heart stops. His eyes shoot from Uncle to the boy sitting on the other side of the room. _Sokka_. What is he doing here? He’s dressed in the same robes as the rest of the Order of the White Lotus, but he looks out of place being the only teenager there.

Sokka stands. He bows sloppily before running up to Zuko, effectively silencing the man’s explanation of why Toph has interrupted their meeting.

Zuko can’t do anything except stare at Sokka as he comes closer. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he jokes. When that doesn’t elicit a response, his face drops. “You alright?”

“What are you…?”

“Oh!” Sokka steps back and spreads out his arms. “I’m a member of the Order of the White Lotus now! Youngest one ever! What are you and Toph doing here? Are you okay?”

Finally, _finally_ , Zuko’s brain catches up enough that he can nod in response. “I-- I’m fine. Toph brought me here, and she wouldn’t tell me why. I didn’t-- I didn’t realize you would be here.” He glances at Toph, who looks amused. _She knew_. Of course she did.

“Well, I am!” Sokka smiles proudly. “Can I hug you?”

Zuko barely manages to get the word, “Yes,” out of his mouth before Sokka lunges forward and hugs him tight. For the first time since Mai forced him on their trip to Ba Sing Se, Zuko relaxes. He squeezes his eyes shut and he focuses on the feeling of Sokka’s arms wrapped around him and the feeling of Sokka in his arms. He wishes they could stay like this forever.

“We’re here for a _reason_ , guys!” Toph exclaims, effectively ruining the moment. “We’re _not_ here so you two can make out. Although… that _could_ work--”

“Toph!” Zuko and Sokka chorus as they break apart. They look at each other, and Zuko notices that Sokka’s face is as red as his feels. 

Toph laughs.

“Jeong-Jeong,” the man who led them to the room says, clearly over Toph’s desire to wreak havoc wherever she goes. “They are here to speak with you, if that is alright?”

Jeong-Jeong nods, stands, and bows to Zuko. Zuko bows back, and the three of them leave the room. Zuko hears laughter behind them as the door swings shut.

They walk until they’re far enough away that there’s no chance of their conversation being overheard. As soon as they stop, Zuko glares at Toph. “You _knew_ Sokka would be here!”

“I didn’t _know_ ,” Toph argues. “I _hoped_ he would be here, but that wasn’t the point of this trip. It was just an added bonus.”

Zuko kicks Toph’s shin, but she doesn’t flinch. She just points at Jeong-Jeong. “You. I need you to talk some sense into my friend.”

Jeong-Jeong, to his credit, looks like he’s not 100% on board with Toph’s plan. “You want me to ‘talk some sense’ into… the Fire Lord?”

“Yes.”

“May I inquire as to what, exactly, you mean by that?”

Toph groans, but how is Jeong-Jeong supposed to know everything that’s going on and what Toph wants him to say? _Zuko_ doesn’t have any idea what Toph wants from Jeong-Jeong and this field trip is for him. “I’ve heard the stories, you can't fool me! You had the flower disease too!”

Zuko’s eyes widen. He looks at Jeong-Jeong, who has a similar expression on his face.

“An earthbender cured you. They bent the flowers right out of you. They tell your story in hushed voices in the underground fighting rings, talking about how earthbending can be used for more than just building things and mindless fighting,” Toph explains. “The mindless fighting is fun, though, don’t get me wrong.” She flexes her arm. “Great way to blow off steam.”

“You have Hanahaki?” Jeong-Jeong asks.

Zuko lowers his head.

“Do not make the same mistake I did, Fire Lord,” Jeong-Jeong says gravely. “It may seem like the best option, but I will never forget the face of the woman I must have loved when she realized I’d forgotten all about her and couldn’t love her anymore. She told me she’d always loved me, but all I could remember was being so scared of rejection that I did the unthinkable.” He sighs. “She came down with the disease too, all because I couldn’t sum up the courage to confess. I will never forgive myself for what I did.”

Zuko is stunned. He wants to think Toph paid Jeong-Jeong to make up some sob story, but Zuko can see the pain behind his eyes. He’s being sincere.

“I will admit that I don’t know about your circumstances,” Jeong-Jeong continues, “but I would plead that you talk to the one you love before making a rash decision you may spend the rest of your life regretting.”

Zuko thinks about Sokka sitting in the room down the hall, laughing with Uncle and the other White Lotus members. He thinks about Sokka asking before hugging him when he could tell Zuko was shaken up. He thinks about how hugging Sokka feels like coming home.

But there’s no way Sokka feels the same.

Right?

**VI**

**_i used to think that being numb would ease the pain_ **

Zuko doesn’t cough once on the way back to the palace. He sits in silence and he looks up at the moon. He wonders if Yue would tell him to talk to Sokka. He wonders if _Suki_ would tell him to talk to Sokka. He wonders if he deserves to talk to Sokka. He wonders if, hundreds of miles away, Mai and Ty Lee are looking up at the moon too. He wonders if any of them - him, Mai, Ty Lee, _Azula_ \- will ever be able to be anything more than Reformed Fire Nation Kids who owe it to their nation to spend the rest of their lives working to clear its name. He wonders if they could ever be really happy.

Zuko _wants_ to be happy, he really does. He just doesn’t think he deserves it.

“Field trip over,” Toph declares once they return to the outskirts of the city. They’ll have to walk from here so Toph doesn’t accidentally destroy something with her earthbending travel. Or wake anyone.

“No,” Zuko says. There’s someone he needs to talk to, because who is he to contemplate his happy ending if she doesn’t realize she deserves one too? “We have one more stop.”

“Huh?”

“I need to visit my sister.”

“In the middle of the night?”

“Yes.” Though it’s hardly the middle of the night. With winter approaching, the sun sets much earlier, and it’s only been fully down maybe an hour.

Toph shrugs. “Whatever.”

\--

“What do you want?” Azula growls. Her hands and feet are bound and her hair looks like it hasn’t been brushed in a week. Toph is standing guard outside the door, ready to alert the doctors if needed. “Back for another duel? You lost the last one, if I remember correctly.”

Zuko wants to highlight that Azula _cheated_ by targeting Katara, who was _not_ participating in the Agni Kai, but he doesn’t have time to argue. “I’m not here to fight you.”

“Then what, praytell, are you here to do, Zuzu?”

“Apologize.”

Azula blinks. For the first time in her life, she looks caught off guard by Zuko’s words.

“You and I… we’re not as different as you think. As you were _made_ to think. In the end, we were both just kids who wanted our parents to love us. But deep down, we both knew that was impossible. I obsessed over capturing the Avatar for three years. You obsessed over being the perfect daughter. We both found ways to deal with our awful upbringing and fool ourselves into thinking Father could love us. It was only because of Uncle that I realized I shouldn’t have to spend my life trying to earn Father’s love, and you didn’t have that. I had Uncle by my side for three years, and I take that for granted every single day.”

“Are you just here to gloat about how many friends you have?” Azula blows a strand of hair out of her face.

“I’m not--!” Zuko closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. _She’s baiting him_. “You don’t have to hide, Azula. I need you to know that.”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

_You’re allowed to love_ , is what Zuko wants to say. But Azula won’t take kindly to Zuko outright saying that.

“You spent your life living to please our father, and I don’t blame you for that. I’m sorry I ever did. But he’s not in charge of you anymore. He can’t touch you. Azula…” Zuko wishes they had any remnants of a normal sibling relationship left, wishes he could hug her and tell her he accepts her, wishes he could tell her he loves her, wishes she would believe him if he did say that. But they don’t, and he can’t, and she wouldn’t. So he opts for the next best thing he can think to say. “Azula, the only person left to live for now is yourself.”

Azula’s shoulders drop. She doesn’t say anything for long enough that Zuko decides it’s time for him to go, but as soon as he turns, Azula calls out, “Wait.”

Zuko looks back at her.

“I don’t even know who I am.”

Zuko hasn’t seen Azula look so vulnerable since she was first learning how to walk.

“That’s the beauty of it,” he tells her. “ _You_ get to decide.”

Azula takes a shaky breath. “Can you…?” She can’t seem to finish her sentence. Zuko has never seen Azula like this. Maybe that’s a good sign. Maybe she _is_ healing.

“Let me brush your hair,” Zuko offers. Azula nods. He has Toph get a brush from one of the doctors, and then he begins to detangle his sister’s hair. It’s slow work, and they sit in silence.

Zuko doesn’t know how long he tugs the brush through Azula’s hair before it even begins to smooth out, but he doesn’t mind. It’s not like he would be getting any sleep tonight anyways.

“Your breathing is off,” Azula finally says once Zuko is almost done brushing her hair.

“Funny,” he deadpans. “Toph said the same thing.”

“Fire Lord duties giving you breathing problems?” Zuko pretends that behind Azula’s bite is at least a little bit of worry. “Or are your lungs just giving out at seventeen for fun?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Zuko sets the brush down and begins to separate Azula’s hair into three sections. Sokka had taught him how to do a simple braid during their time on Ember Island. Surprisingly, Azula doesn’t try to stop him.

“So you admit there’s something wrong, then? Hopefully it isn’t fatal,” she sneers. “Would be a shame for the Fire Nation to lose another Fire Lord so soon.”

Zuko ignores Azula’s comments and focuses on his braiding.

“What’s wrong, Zuzu?” If Zuko didn’t know better, he would say Azula’s voice actually held a hint of concern.

“What isn’t wrong?” It’s a rhetorical question; he’s not expecting Azula to answer, and she doesn’t.

Once he finishes, Zuko holds the braid in one hand and undoes his topknot with the other. He’d left his hairpiece in his room but elected to keep his hair up so Toph didn’t yell at him for taking too long. He uses the ribbon that was in his hair to tie the end of Azula’s braid so it won’t fall out. It’s not the best, but it’s better than Zuko had expected.

“Done.” Zuko takes a step back. He wishes there was a mirror in the room so Azula could see herself. He circles around Azula so he can look at her from the front. He couldn’t do anything about the uneven bangs, but other than that, she looks better. Healthier.

“Thank you,” Azula whispers. Zuko has half a mind to ask if he really just heard Azula _thank_ someone, let alone him, but he decides to let it go.

“You’re welcome.”

Azula breathes in deeply, then exhales. “Can I ask you a question?”

Zuko nods.

“Why did Mai do it?” Zuko isn’t sure what Azula means, and she must realize this because she begins to elaborate, “At the Boiling Rock. Why’d she help you escape? She said it was because she loved you, but you… you two weren’t…” Azula shakes her head. “It wasn’t _real_. I know it wasn’t!”

“You’re right. It wasn’t real.” Zuko will openly admit that, and as he assumed, Azula already knew. “We were protecting each other by being in a relationship. As for _why_ …” Zuko scratches the back of his neck. “Just because we’re not _in love_ with each other doesn’t mean we don’t _love_ each other. There are different types of love.” Zuko lowers his voice, “I didn’t realize that at first either. But I get it now. I would do anything for Mai, including betray my home and childhood friends, knowing that there’s no way I can win with how outnumbered I am, if it meant seeing her live.” A long time ago, Zuko questioned whether or not he would do for Mai what Mai did for him, but he knows without a doubt that he would now, and he would have back then too. “I’d give up everything for her. But that doesn’t mean I want her to be my girlfriend, or I could ever love her romantically.”

Azula looks absolutely mystified, and Zuko hates it. What kind of hell did they have to grow up in to not realize you can love your friends? What kind of hell must Azula still be stuck in now?

And then, of course, the flowers in Zuko’s chest have to have their say and ruin the moment. He bends over, unable to stop coughing, and begs whatever gods are out there to let him not actually cough up any flowers in front of Azula. 

“Zuko?” For once, Azula is saying his name without a hint of malice. She only sounds confused.

Vaguely, he registers the door open and Toph march into the room. “What did you do?!” she demands.

“Nothing, I swear!”

Zuko tries to confirm Azula’s innocence, but he can’t get any words out in between coughs.

“Oh!” Toph must get it anyways. “I thought you were doing better?”

_I was!_ Zuko wants to shout. Instead, he feels a few petals come up and onto the floor of Azula’s room. They’re followed by a full flower, and-- spirits, plum blossoms shouldn’t be red. Zuko retches.

“What is happening?!” Azula demands.

Toph mutters a few swear words someone her age should _not_ know and then tells Azula, “Your _idiot_ brother won’t suck it up and confess his feelings to his crush!”

Zuko wishes he could just die right here, right now, on the floor in Azula’s room. It would be fitting for him to die at Azula’s feet, wouldn’t it? With Azula worrying about him for the first time in their lives and Zuko thinking he could finally get through to her and Toph calling him stupid and Mai a million freaking miles away and--

_Mai_.

He promised Mai he wasn’t going to die.

“I’m not dying,” he whispers, like Mai can hear him.

“You better not!” Toph scolds. “I’ll know if you do; I can feel it!” She says it like a threat, but her voice is shaky.

Zuko wipes his mouth and looks at the sleeve of his cloak. Blood. That can’t be good.

“Zuko?” Azula asks again.

“It’s not a big deal.”

Azula looks at Toph for answers, but Toph just keeps staring straight ahead. Then, slowly, she bends down as if she’s looking at the petals, and places her hand against the floor.

“Are you bleeding?”

“No,” Zuko lies before he can think better of it.

“I will drag you back to that White Lotus meeting right now, you lying piece of sh--”

“No!” Zuko coughs weakly. “I’m fine.”

“Clearly you’re not,” Azula argues. _Why must she always argue?_ She sighs. “I assume Uncle mixed you up some concoction to slow the illness?” Zuko nods. “How long have you had it?”

“Since Boiling Rock.”

“ _Boiling Rock?!_ You’re lucky you’re not dead already!”

“Katara did a partial heal after the war,” Zuko explains. “And I’ve been drinking whatever partial cure Uncle made for me for the past several days. I’m fine, really, I just need--” He coughs again. A few petals come up, but no blood this time. “I just need another week. I just need to give it another week.”

Azula looks at him like he’s crazy. Ironic. “You just coughed up _blood_. In front of _me_. You need to go find whoever is the cause of this and figure out if they feel the same three days ago.”

Zuko waves her concern aside. “Seriously, Azula, I’ve been dealing with this long enough that I know when to be worried.”

“You forgot to eat lunch and breakfast yesterday,” Toph points out.

“How do you even know that? You just got here this morning!”

“Mai told me.”

Zuko rolls his eyes. Of course. Mai is still trying to mother him even when she’s on vacation.

“I hate you,” Azula tells him.

“What a surprise!”

“You’re the Fire Lord, and you’re treating a deadly disease like a _joke_!” she shouts. Why does she even _care_?

Zuko jabs a finger in her direction. “You sound _exactly_ like Mai! You are _not_ my mother. Mai is _not_ my mother. My _mother_ got banished because she didn’t want my own father to kill me, and she’s probably dead! So stop trying to parent me, alright? I don’t--!”

He can’t breathe.

Maybe he should’ve been worried.

“Zuko?” Toph asks. “Zuko, why aren't you breathing?”

Zuko shakes his head, and then he collapses.

“Get him out of here!” Azula orders. “Go, tell the doctors he needs a waterbender to do another partial healing. They have someone from the North Pole here at all times in case of an emergency.”

Zuko doesn’t catch Toph’s response, but he feels the ground boost him upwards until he’s leaning on Toph and Toph is calling for the doctors.

The last thing Zuko remembers is glancing back and seeing Azula looking truly terrified.

**VII**

**_i still want you (for better or for worse)_ **

Zuko is almost surprised to wake up.

Actually, he’s not sure he isn’t dead.

He’s in a bed, but he’s not sure if he’s still in the hospital or if he’s back in the palace infirmary. His chest feels heavy, and there are flowers lying on the pillow next to him.

He looks around and sees Toph is staring at the bed next to his. So he must still be alive. Toph wouldn’t be here if he weren’t.

Zuko coughs, and Toph starts.

“If this is another false positive…”

“It’s not,” Zuko manages. His throat is dry and stinging.

“Zuko!” Toph exclaims. She runs over to his bed and promptly punches his arm. “Don’t _ever_ do that again, or I’m going to kill you, and then bring you back just so I can kill you again.”

Zuko rubs his arm. “Noted.” 

And then Toph is hugging him, and Zuko is pretty sure he hears her sniffle. “You stopped breathing. I could feel it, I thought--” She sniffs again and buries her head in Zuko’s shoulder. 

  
  


“Toph…”

She straightens up and turns away from him. She raises a hand to her face in a motion that looks like she might be wiping her tears, but Zuko has never once seen Toph cry tears that aren't from laughter, so there must be some other explanation.

“You passed out from lack of air,” she tells him. “The waterbender doctor did her thing to open your airways back up, and then you started coughing up a bunch of flowers, and no one was sure if you were conscious or not. I told them all Azula had nothing to do with it, because they all seemed convinced she poisoned you for some reason. Not sure _why_ they thought _Azula_ would ever do anything to hurt you, though.” She cracks a smile. “Anyway, they put you in here and said we basically just had to wait for you to wake up. I think they said the sun rose a couple hours ago.”

That put Zuko unconscious for a good twelve hours.

“Did they tell Azula I’m okay?”

Toph shrugs. “Didn’t ask. Didn’t know if you wanted her to know.”

“I need--” Zuko starts, but he isn’t sure what he needs. He needs to let Azula know he’s okay. He needs something to drink. He needs to apologize to Mai and Uncle. He needs to talk to Sokka.

“Yeah?”

“Water.”

“Sure!”

“And Toph?”

“What?”

“Make sure Azula knows I’m fine.”

“Sure thing, Sparky.”

\--

Once Zuko can walk again, he makes his way back to Azula, much to the doctors’ dismay. Toph just goes along with it and resumes her spot as guard.

“Hi,” Zuko says.

“Hi.” Azula’s hair is still braided, though some strands have fallen out. That would make sense, given she must have slept in it. “Do I get to know who my future brother-in-law is going to be?”

Zuko glares at his sister.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. Am I going to have a sister-in-law? I always thought if that was the case, it would be Mai.”

Zuko keeps glaring.

“Fine, keep your secrets. I don’t care anyways. It’s not like I’ll be out of here in time to make it to the wedding.”

Zuko rolls his eyes. “If I get married, you’ll be invited whether you’re released from here or not.”

“ _'_ _If’_ says the guy who almost died last night because he’s so head over heels for some boy and has been keeping it hidden since the B--” Azula stops suddenly, and it looks like something clicks in her mind. “...The Boiling Rock. It’s the water tribe boy.”

“Yeah. It’s the water tribe boy.”

“Of course _you_ would fall for someone who isn’t even Fire Nation,” she sneers.

“Yep.”

“...You’re not going to argue?”

“Nope.”

“Oh.”

After several moments of silence, Azula says, “I’m glad you’re not dead. I don’t think the Fire Nation would like it much if a psychopath was the only person left to take the throne.”

“You’re not a psychopath; you’re traumatized.”

“Whatever. You’d better go talk to Boomerang Boy before your aversion to confrontation kills you.”

“I’ll get right on that,” Zuko says, but for all he knows, Sokka is back in the south pole and won’t be able to make another trip to the Fire Nation for weeks. And Zuko is in no state to travel.

\--

As they near the palace, Toph blurts out, “I have a small confession to make.”

“Yes?”

“I might not have stayed in the hospital with you all night.”

“I was unconscious. Why would I care where you were?”

“I went back to Piando’s house and told your uncle and Sokka that you passed out and they should probably stay the night in the Fire Nation so they could see you once you woke up.” Toph says it fast enough that it takes Zuko a moment to pick apart each individual word and figure out what she said.

“You _what_?!”

“I was worried for you!” Toph explains. “But don’t _ever_ tell anyone I said that. Anyways, I took them back to the palace after the White Lotus meeting was over and told the guards that you had wanted to visit Azula and passed out because you hadn’t eaten much all day, and the doctors would make sure you were safe and I would be there to beat up anyone who might try to hurt you, so they didn’t need to worry.”

“Toph, you are the worst,” Zuko tells her, but he can’t be mad at her. Not really. Not when she confessed she was worried for him to his face, and not when the panic in her voice when he stopped breathing is still echoing in his head.

“I know!”

The carriage slows to a stop, and Zuko gets out first so he can help Toph down. It’s only when Toph says, “Iroh!” that Zuko realizes Uncle and Sokka are waiting outside for them.

“Zuko!” Sokka shouts. He runs over to him, and Zuko can tell Sokka is dying to pull him into a hug, but he doesn’t. “Are you okay? What happened? Was it Azula’s fault? I’ll take her out if you want me to. _Please_ tell me you’re okay. Toph seemed really worried, but she wouldn’t admit it. Can I hug you?”

Instead of taking the time to figure out which of Sokka’s questions pertaining to last night’s events he wants to address first, Zuko focuses on the last one and pulls Sokka into a hug.

“Oh,” Sokka whispers.

Somewhere to his right, Zuko can hear Toph and Uncle whispering, and Zuko remembers that as much as he needs to talk to Sokka, he needs to apologize to Uncle first. So he breaks the hug, even though he really doesn’t want to, and tells Sokka, “I need to talk to Uncle.” 

Sokka nods understandingly, and Zuko makes his way over to Uncle.

“Zuko! I am so glad to see you’re okay!”

“I’m sorry. You were right. You and Mai were both right, and I should have listened.”

Uncle brings him into a hug. “I am not angry, Zuko. I was afraid for you. You know what you need to do now.”

“I do. Thank you.”

Zuko pulls away from Uncle and takes a deep breath. Uncle gives him an encouraging smile and Toph leans over and lands a soft punch on his arm. 

Time for the moment of truth.

\--

Zuko leads Sokka to the gardens, where they’re sure to not be disturbed. “Are you okay?” Sokka asks, his grip on Zuko’s hand tightening. “Please tell me you’re not dying.”

“I’m fine,” Zuko says, because if this goes badly, he doesn’t want Sokka to know how close he actually came to death last night. He thinks about what Mai said, how he was too afraid to be happy to even consider Sokka reciprocating his feelings, and how Uncle had agreed and told Zuko not to be afraid of a chance at happiness. He thinks about Ty Lee and Suki, rushing into the Jasmine Dragon to greet them like old friends. He thinks about Toph saying she was worried for him, and the look of utter fear on Azula’s face right before he passed out. He thinks about Jeong-Jeong pleading him to not get the flowers removed without talking to Sokka first. He thinks about Katara being upset that he didn’t tell the group about the disease earlier and doing a partial healing without hesitation. He thinks about when Aang first found out, and it feels so long ago now, but he was concerned for Zuko even back then. He thinks about Sokka, always hyper aware of when Zuko doesn’t want to be touched without warning, always making sure Zuko is okay when his senses are overwhelmed.

He thinks that maybe he spent so much time thinking love had to be earned that he couldn’t see why his friends would simply give it without expecting anything in return.

They reach the garden, and Zuko thinks about just kissing Sokka, but he doesn’t. Sokka deserves a full explanation.

“What’s going on?”

“It’s-- I--” Where is Zuko even supposed to start?

“If you’re dying, please just cut to the chase, because I _really_ don’t want to lose you, but I don’t want you to sugarcoat--”

“I’m not dying,” Zuko cuts him off. “Okay, well, that’s not _entirely_ true. But I’m not _going_ to die. And it has nothing to do with Azula - she’s doing better.” Zuko takes a deep breath. It’s now or never. “It… It has to do with you.”

Sokka frowns and points at himself. “Me?”

Zuko nods.

“Please elaborate.”

“Have you heard of Hanahaki Disease?” Just saying the name makes Zuko feel like coughing up more flowers, but now is not the time, so he forces the flowers down. Even if it makes breathing harder.

“That’s the flower one, right?” Zuko nods. “The one where flowers start growing in your chest, and it’s caused by unrequited lo--” Sokka stutters to a stop and his eyes widen. “You…? Flowers…?” He points at Zuko, then back at himself.

“Yeah.”

“You’re…” Sokka looks like he’s still trying to wrap his mind around this. “You said… this is about _me_? I’m--?” Sokka swallows. “Me?”

“Yeah.”

Sokka lets out a soft laugh. “Then I have some lifesaving news for you.”

Zuko’s apology dies on his tongue. “What?”

“You’re such an idiot,” Sokka says, and then he’s pulling Zuko in and mumbling, _“Gonna kiss you now,”_ and then Sokka’s lips are on Zuko’s and Zuko’s chest is on fire and _spirits, Sokka is_ kissing _him_.

Zuko has to push Sokka away to cough, and when he drops to his knees, Sokka is there next to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah--” he coughs. “Clearing out.” That’s all he can manage before the coughing overtakes his body again. Sokka keeps a hand on Zuko’s back and the other on Zuko’s arm.

“You’re okay. I got you.”

When Zuko stops coughing, he realizes he can breathe again. Full breaths of air are going into his lungs for the first time in months, and it’s like drinking water on the hottest day of summer.

“How-- how long?” Sokka asks.

“Boiling Rock.”

“Oh.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, I should’ve--”

“Sokka.” Zuko cups Sokka’s face with his hands. “Please stop talking.”

Sokka nods, and Zuko presses a soft kiss to his lips.

“Are you gonna be okay?”

Zuko smiles. “Yeah.”

\--

Mai, Ty Lee, and Suki arrive at the palace the next day. Mai doesn’t say anything; she just pulls him into a hug. Her eyes look red when they separate, but Mai doesn’t cry, so it must be the light.

“I hate you so much.”

“I should have listened to you,” Zuko says. “You were right, as usual. I’m sorry.”

“I guess I can accept your apology.”

Ty Lee comes bouncing up to the two of them. “Hi, Zuko! Congrats on the boyfriend!” She looks at Mai. “Can I tell him?” She rocks forward and clasps her hands behind her back.

Mai sighs. “Go on.”

“Tell me what?” Zuko looks back and forth between the two. Mai’s only been gone two days.

“Mai’s my girlfriend!” Ty Lee squeals. She wraps her arms around Mai, and Mai - _Mai_ \- blushes. 

Zuko grins. 

He peers over Mai’s shoulder and sees Suki and Sokka talking, both with smiles on their faces. So maybe Toph wasn’t lying about her and Suki's conversation? Or maybe she’s just good at guessing.

Sokka catches Zuko staring, and he drags Suki over to the group. He wraps his arm around Zuko’s waist and joins the conversation easily. Suki shoots Zuko a knowing smile. Ty Lee still has an arm wrapped around Mai. And it’s all so natural that Zuko forgets why he ever feared coming out.

\--

Katara and Aang arrive on Appa later than day, and after they take turns scolding him for lying about who he was in love with, they’re both hugging him and telling him they’re glad he’s okay.

And then, of course, Katara is giving Zuko a, “hurt my brother and I’ll kill you even if you are the Fire Lord, and once you’re dead, I’ll take the throne for myself so Azula doesn’t get it” speech that ends with her hugging him again and saying, “I just want you two to be happy.”

\--

They all eat dinner together, and Zuko has the kitchen staff prepare dishes from all four nations. (Although the Air Nomad recipes are based on old cookbooks, so Zuko isn’t sure how accurate they are. But Aang doesn’t complain.)

Sokka sits next to Zuko, and Zuko catches him staring more than once (but to be fair, Sokka catches Zuko staring more than once, so they’re even). Ty Lee keeps stealing Mai’s food, and Mai pretends to be annoyed, but Zuko knows she isn’t. Toph tells the story of her heroic save when Zuko passed out (and it’s hardly the true story, but she makes it interesting enough that Zuko doesn’t bother arguing). Suki talks about Kyoshi Island and hints that she may have a crush on one of the other warriors. Aang and Katara mostly watch and listen, and Aang keeps one arm around Katara for the full duration of dinner. Uncle is the adult supervision, but he’s not very good at it, because his comments may sound innocent, but Zuko knows he’s spurring on the chaos. He also knows it’s only because Uncle loves seeing them all happy.

After dinner, everyone except for Uncle migrates to the guest bedroom Toph is staying in, and someone (Katara?) suggests a slumber party. Suki and Ty Lee are on board immediately, and they manage to convince everyone except Zuko, who is convinced by one pleading look from Sokka.

“Fine. We can have a slumber party.”

Everyone else cheers, and Suki high fives Katara.

They bring in the pillows and blankets from all the other guest rooms, and once that’s done, they sit around and talk well past sunset.

Zuko leans his head on Sokka’s shoulder and looks around the room. For a moment, he can imagine they’re all just normal teenagers who were never traumatized by war or bad parents or anything else. He can imagine they don’t still have the fate of the world resting on their shoulders.

Absentmindedly, he hopes Azula will be able to join them someday.

Sokka drops a kiss on the top of Zuko’s head. “I should thank your lungs for contracting a deadly disease from you pining for me two days after we’d been on good terms, because I’m not sure either of us would’ve fessed up otherwise.”

Thanking a deadly disease for their happiness? 

Zuko laughs.

“Yeah. I’ll tell them you said that.”  
  


**Author's Note:**

> if you caught my once upon a time, the owl house, & she-ra references, you get bonus points ;)
> 
> anyway i hope you enjoyed this monster that took over my every waking moment for 7 days straight! if you did, feel free to leave kudos or drop a comment!!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [plum blossom [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26721397) by [Rionaa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rionaa/pseuds/Rionaa)




End file.
